Somehow we connected. He was not shy about saying how much he envied my courage in putting aside a traditional life to follow an inner dream. I was in awe of his cosmopolitan aura and lifestyle. I would go to the hardware store; he would go to the opera and the symphony.

My wife and I often had dinner with him, and I was continuously delighted by the condiments he served, things I never knew existed—special mustards and sauces, great tastes in small jars. He and I occasionally took walks in the woods and fields, crossing streams and delighting in the mosses and the magnificent New England trees. Suzie and I refused a gift he wanted to give us because, in retrospect, we were too attached to some austere, back-to-the-land ideal. Ed’s Volvo, relatively new, but severely beat up by city traffic, would have been fun for us to own.

And so today, lying on the couch in my office and gently enjoying these memories, I realized how much I loved Ed then and also now—not emotional love or some concept of love, but Heart Presence love, the divine Love that lives deep within my chest. When I recognized this Love, I felt new riches pouring into my being, and I suspect that they are permanent.

Who’s in your history?

The writing above conveys aspects of the following Advanced Capacities: Heart Presence and Connection.

©2008 by Jeff Krock. All rights reserved.

Our love for our parents is absolutely reliable. It helps us stay centered, steady, and flexible. 

However, accessing our love for our parents does require a sacrifice. We must be willing to put aside any mental and emotional conflicts we may be carrying regarding them. Whatever anyone did or did not do or give—the stuff the average ego likes to dabble in–is completely irrelevant here. What we are after is the greater Love and the consistency it adds to our lives.

Consistency is particularly important in today’s world, where there is so much change and uncertainty. Navigating such pervasive uncertainty requires that we include in our moment-to-moment existence as much certainty as we can find.

Recently, I brought this perspective to some of my monthly phone groups where, among other things, I have been helping the participants awaken Heart Presence (authentic self, Christ within, Buddha nature). As a step toward the even greater awakening, I guided each person in these groups to find the love for his or her parents. 

Here is some of their feedback. I’m hoping that their experiences will inspire your learning and help you recognize the territory as you find it in yourself:

“I’m in a deep, open place that feels like God.”
“I feel myself being bigger and bigger, more secure in some new way.”
“I now know that they [my parents] are always there. I’ve always feared that when they died they would be gone.”
“I’m in this vastness of interconnection.”
“I saw all sides of the universe.”
“I’m in a deep state of knowing that is not on the mental level.”
“I’m in this feeling of being connected to a larger universe, and my parents are here as well. Such freedom.”
“This is such great joy. I feel free of the resentment toward them [my parents] that I’ve been dragging around for years. Wow…, wow, I am this joy.”

Reread the above quotes again and imagine the strength, steadiness, consistency and love that these people have added to their lives.

I hope you will spend some time finding your love for your parents. Choose, ask, or pray for it. Take some time in a quiet environment and search. Often. Resting a hand against your mid-chest will help you relax and explore. Deep within you know you want this.

The writing above conveys aspects of the following Advanced Capacities: Heart Presence, Connection, Creation, Clear Mind and Extra-Ordinary Perception.

©2008 by Jeff Krock. All rights reserved.

What can you really depend on?  The most dependable is Heart Presence, which lives within each of us, waiting to be awakened. Heart Presence is somewhat like another mind—not a thinking mind, a knowing mind. When Heart Presence is awakened, it is found deep in the mid-chest. Some synonyms of Heart Presence are authentic self, pure consciousness, Christ Consciousness, Buddha Nature, formlessness.

Within the pure consciousness of Heart Presence, we know without doubt our most enlightened course of learning and action. This knowing mind informs us with a voice, one that is quieter yet somehow more powerful than ordinary sound. Some people refer to it as of the voice of God. I prefer the term “Heart Presence” because it implies something that is practical as well as spiritual.

Most of you have already experienced some aspects of Heart Presence. I’m sure that in this moment you can recognize your yearning to live its attributes: love, peace, joy, compassion, hope, beauty, clarity, connection and trust. Some of you also may yearn for God, for meaning, for an expanded life.

Our yearning to live a more expansive existence is always present, and it is an essential element in Heart Presence. I believe that we are designed to follow this yearning and to awaken our Heart Presence. Acknowledging our yearning is a step toward awakening.

Our Heart Presence is an absolutely reliable guide because it is our True Self. I feel that living in today’s world requires hearing and responding to this voice, which can help us navigate all aspects of our lives with greater joy and ease.

How can you tap into Heart Presence? In the midst of distraction, busy-ness, or chaos, use true choice. Choose to love, to be compassionate, to see the beauty in life. Ask to Awaken. Ask to recognize your Heart Presence and hear its voice. I encourage those of you who are comfortable with prayer to pray—talk to God, Spirit, or the Universe. Create a practice and build it into your day. True choice, asking, prayer—all these activities will take you beyond your conditioned world.

As you awaken your Heart Presence, you will develop a centered-ness and a sense of knowing that you are on track. This inner knowing is reliable—no matter what is happening to you emotionally, physically, professionally, or financially—and regardless of what is happening in the world around you.

And the more awake you are, the more you effortlessly lift up the lives of others.

Other piecess I’ve written on this topic:

http://www.jeffkrock.com/jeffkrock_staying_on_track2.html

http://www.jeffkrock.com/my-journey.pdf

The writing above conveys aspects of the following Advanced Capacities: Heart Presence, Connection, Creation, and Extra-Ordinary Perception.

©2008 by Jeff Krock. All rights reserved.

The previous blog entry described the last time I saw my dad before he died. This next entry also concerns itself with heavy life circumstances–perhaps leading some to believe that the blog is just about these painful topics. It’s not. 

My mother died shortly after my last post. Two weeks later, I had a scary health diagnosis. The results from a biopsy revealed a melanoma, the most deadly skin cancer. My dermatologist assured me, however, that we caught this in its early stage. Next came the medical steps that precede surgery. The surgeon removed the cancer four days ago.

I have been able to stay centered in the middle of all this, a capacity I’ve spent years developing and am happy to share with you.

Here’s what I did: When I received the call that my mother had died, I immediately lay down on the couch in my office, the place I go to settle in. I wanted to experience the strongest connection I had with her. With her photograph against my chest, I simply stayed with my inner experience, whatever showed up, until I felt complete. Loss, sadness, confusion, liberation, memories, love, disorientation—all showed up. I was on and off the couch for three days, during which I continued my everyday life.

The cancer scare happened two weeks later. Back to the couch for however much time might be needed. Rest into my body, feel what my body is resting against, get grounded, and meet my inner experience. Fear of the unknown and images of dire physical outcomes kept knocking to get in. I have the skill to keep these feelings and images from exaggerating themselves; I chose the opposite, however. Best to go with whatever thoughts and emotions were showing up and learn from them. Immersed in this scary side of life, I found myself stepping into the present moment in a new way, much like stepping into a greater, more alive, physical body. I tapped into some new depth.

In this moment as I write, a photograph of my mother sits on my desk and I have a disturbing three-inch scar on a leg that looks significantly better than it did three days ago. The sun is rising and there’s a gentle breeze blowing through the palms outside the windows. Great egrets, wood storks and a couple of great blue herons are feeding along the perimeter of the pond behind my home.

Today, I fully love life. My inner being has been enriched by my recent experiences. I am more present than ever.

The writing above conveys aspects of the following Advanced Capacities: Heart Presence, Connection, Command of Our Life Force, and Clear Mind.

©2008 by Jeff Krock. All rights reserved.

It was mid-afternoon, time for my dad to come home. So I agreed, happily and reluctantly, to drive over to get him. Having been out of the country, I hadn’t seen him for many months and did not know what to expect. My mother suggested that I take my uncle Victor with me. My dad and my uncle had been best of friends for more than 50 years.

Victor and I drove to the day care facility. I parked by the entrance, went in, and found him slouched in a chair staring off into space. Another shock of sadness and sorrow. He didn’t know who I was and didn’t seem to know much of anything else either. I helped him put on his jacket and we went out to the street. I kept on adjusting my inner self to stay grounded and present, and paid attention to how he was being and what he was doing. As we walked out of the building and toward the car, my dad’s eye caught a small chrome insignia on the side of it. While I guided him in the direction of the door, he moved toward that little piece of chrome and aimlessly touched it, and then seemed to disappear right into it. There hadn’t been much of him there and now there was less. I was a bit stunned. More sorrow. I chose to stay in the moment.

I got us both settled into the car and saw my uncle Victor in the rearview mirror–looking both shocked and frightened at my dad’s vulnerability and inability to even notice that Victor was there. We went for a drive.

My dad got a bit chatty, mumbling this and that– some of it hardly audible, none of it seeming to make any sense. If you have been around someone with this disease, you know what I mean. Victor tried to join in but gave up; he looked so discouraged and hurt. I began talking with my dad, simply asking him some questions. He seemingly stayed in his own distant world, mumbling his words. Rather than pull away, I really listened to what he was saying. I realized that sooner or later in all his mumbling, he was answering my questions. We were actually communicating.

I asked him if he liked going to day care. In the middle of other confusing chatter, he answered my question about two minutes later, “I don’t like going there.” I asked him, “Why don’t you like going there?” Once again, in a minute or two, he answered my question, “They make us dance.” It was clear to me that, in the middle of being so distant from Victor, me, the car, and himself–across a great divide of his disconnectedness and aimless chatter, he was aware that we were conversing.

My next question was “What’s wrong with the dancing?” And then the world changed. He answered about 10 seconds later, but it was my real dad, my familiar dad that answered. Almost as if he parachuted into the car and into his body, he simply showed up. He was there, right there with us, and with his sense of humor. He jokingly said, “All the women are too old.” His familiar presence instantly gave life to the bond among the three of us and we roared with relief, laughter, and pure joy. For about four minutes my dad was right there with us as if his Alzheimer’s never existed. Then he was gone again.

This was the last time I saw him. He died in a nursing home a few months later. My final memory of him is this painful, glorious mix of sorrow and delight.

My joy was in surrendering to the moment of being with both my father and uncle. Here was a perfect example of living in the present and what the Buddhists describe as “non-duality.” All aspects of life happening simultaneously. Being one.

The writing above conveys aspects of the following Advanced Capacities: Heart Presence, Connection, and Command of Our Life Force.

©2008 by Jeff Krock. All rights reserved.

The Fundamental Difference
Women and men are different in fundamental ways. Our physiology, for example, reflects an inward or an outward orientation. Generally, women look to the internal for fulfillment and men look to the external for fulfillment. Many women tend to be more connected than men with themselves and the world around them. They are therefore more sensitive to subtle things and they are usually super-sensitive to any subtle distance between themselves and their mates.

What Women Want Most
Women want the inner experience of connection with their mates. When they don’t have it, they can feel hurt, abandoned, unwanted, and/or unloved. Since most men are externally oriented and can be content with their external pursuits, there is an inherent and major challenge in female-male relationships. Many men complain that their mate is always trying to change them. We can understand why. What women most want is standing right there; yet, at the same time, he can be distant. There is no one to blame. This fundamental difference is part of how we’re made.

What Men Want Most
Yes, most men want to watch the game, build the business, go fishing with their friends. Like women, they inherently want love and connection, but their outward focus keeps them from experiencing their deep inner yearning for it. Men also have a natural desire to care for their women, to make them as comfortable as possible. There is nothing more meaningful to men than fulfilling these deep yearnings, and they have an innate capacity to do what it takes.

When men commit themselves to doing what it takes to help their mates feel recognized, loved, and supported, the lives of both are immediately and significantly better.

First Steps Men Can Take
When the woman in your life feels content, you will experience your relationship as a gift rather than a challenge. Here are some initial steps you can take:

1. Recognize the painful side of being distant from your mate.
2. Recognize the warrior in you—the part that meets the challenges in life, whatever they may be.
3. Choose to notice the yearning deep within you, the yearning for love and connection at the Heart of each and every man. As you become a seeker and finder of love and connection, you will discover that you are made to do this. You will be aligned with a higher level of yourself.
4. Use your seeking and finding as the basis of your relationship with your mate. As you do this, you will be able to take the steps below.

Doing What It Takes
Fortunately, helping your female partner feel content is not complicated to describe. Primarily, she needs to be cared for in ways that are consistent, obvious, and real. However, caring for her asks you to do some things that a part of you may resist. The following steps may sound overly familiar! Every day:

1. When you and your mate are up and dressed, make the choice to let her know that you care about her. This cannot be faked. It’s not just words or a hug.
2. Choose to find your love for her, even if you’re unaware of it, even if she said “no” to your sexual advances last night, even if you have been arguing.
3. Create a quiet moment and put your arms around her and relax into your body. Feel the floor underneath your feet. Feel your body resting against her and her body against you. Do not make this into sex even though those feelings may be there.
4. Simply hold her, committing yourself to her in this moment. If the feelings and words are truly there, tell her that you love her.
5. If you’re not really there, in feelings or words, this is o.k. Feel the way you want to be closer, want to be less distant. If this is true for you in the moment, let her know that you are aware of the distance and that you want to be closer. She will recognize your truth and be comforted by this.

The Heart of the Matter
When you strip away the layers of what you think you want and need, you will find that what you most want is to love. This recognition will liberate you, and fulfilling it will be the path to freedom. The seeker/warrior in you is made to walk this path and is willing to use all the circumstances of your life to learn. There is no better circumstance for learning than your relationship with your mate. She provides the greatest opportunity you have to truly lighten and enlighten every aspect of your life.

And there’s more. When you’re on this path, she’ll stop asking you to be different because she’s getting what she most wants from being with you. She will be more able to agree with what you want: time with your friends, the game, and sex. Why wouldn’t she? You are becoming the man she has always wanted to be with and she naturally wants to make you happy.

The writing above conveys aspects of the following Advanced Capacities: Heart Presence, Connection, Creation, and Clear Mind.

©2008 by Jeff Krock. All rights reserved.

Note: There is an email link embedded within this post, please visit this post to email it.

Every human being is “programmed” to build an ego. Our ego is also called lower self, separate self, or identity. We begin building it at birth, if not in the womb.

The ego is literally built of mental, physical, emotional, breathing, and life force (spirit, energy, chi) patterns. We pick up the patterns from our parents and other people in our lives. Every pattern is a building block. Step by step, our increasing collection of patterns gives us the experience of being a solid self, separate from everything else. By building an ego, we become individuals.  

Each pattern helps us build an individual, solid, separate self. Each pattern is also a step in becoming more separate from our original higher self. The higher self is not solid. We cannot “get our arms around” love, joy, clarity, compassion, joy or the divine; they are formless, infinite.

By the time we reach puberty, the building of the ego is complete. It is rare that someone does not become fully identified with the ego’s patterns of thought, belief, sensation, emotion, breathing, and life force.  Awareness of our higher self is obscured by this identification with the ego. We believe that our ego’s patterns are who we are.

One of the most confusing historical approaches to the ego is that it is something to kill or destroy. Nothing could be further from the truth.

We need a solid, separate self in order to feel “safe” living the higher levels of consciousness in the everyday world. The lower self and the higher self exist simultaneously.

As we learn to use the Advanced Capacity called “Command of our Life Force,” we are able to create a solid, separate self in a way that is different from the way the ego does it. This allows us to let go of the patterns of the ego and create a different kind of separate self, one that is not based on these patterns. I call this the “authentic separate self,” and it necessarily evolves in parallel to the awakening higher self. The more “awake” we are, the more our identity shifts away from the ego to the various levels of consciousness that comprise the higher self.

The writing above conveys aspects of the following Advanced Capacities: Heart Presence, Connection, Creation, Command of Your Life Force, and Clear Mind.

©2008 by Jeff Krock. All rights reserved.

Note: There is an email link embedded within this post, please visit this post to email it.