Jeff Krock

“How do I get my husband to change?” All ears in the room seemed to go on alert when this question was raised during a talk I gave to a group of women near Geneva, Switzerland.

“How long have you been trying to change him?” I asked. “Twenty years” was her response. “Has it helped?” I asked. “No.” Much laughter.

I asked the entire audience if anyone had had results trying to change their husbands. A universal “no.” The energy in the room was electric. Everyone shared the same dilemma and hoped, perhaps, that the expert from another country might finally reveal the secret to changing a husband.

It is easy to understand why so many of us want to eliminate annoying behaviors in our mates (or other people in our lives). Trying to change him or her, however, does not work. Imagine—over the centuries and throughout the world—how much time and energy have been expended on this endeavor. And how much anger and defensiveness have been generated.

If trying to change someone does not work, how can we make our relationships better and better over time?

By being joyfully engaged in the adventure of life, growing and awakening step-by-step. When we are in this process, we naturally give up needing the world around us to change. Instead, we discover our innate peace and joy and we effortlessly transmit them to others. Even husbands find themselves feeling easier, more hopeful, and more content.