Jeff Krock

I regret the delay in writing a next blog entry. It has been a difficult month and I’ve needed to stay quiet in the middle of it all. I have been wanting to get you up to date with where I’ve been, but hesitating.

The previous blog entry described the last time I saw my dad before he died. This next entry also concerns itself with heavy life circumstances–perhaps leading some to believe that the blog is just about these painful topics. It’s not. 

My mother died shortly after my last post. Two weeks later, I had a scary health diagnosis. The results from a biopsy revealed a melanoma, the most deadly skin cancer. My dermatologist assured me, however, that we caught this in its early stage. Next came the medical steps that precede surgery. The surgeon removed the cancer four days ago.

I have been able to stay centered in the middle of all this, a capacity I’ve spent years developing and am happy to share with you.

Here’s what I did: When I received the call that my mother had died, I immediately lay down on the couch in my office, the place I go to settle in. I wanted to experience the strongest connection I had with her. With her photograph against my chest, I simply stayed with my inner experience, whatever showed up, until I felt complete. Loss, sadness, confusion, liberation, memories, love, disorientation—all showed up. I was on and off the couch for three days, during which I continued my everyday life.

The cancer scare happened two weeks later. Back to the couch for however much time might be needed. Rest into my body, feel what my body is resting against, get grounded, and meet my inner experience. Fear of the unknown and images of dire physical outcomes kept knocking to get in. I have the skill to keep these feelings and images from exaggerating themselves; I chose the opposite, however. Best to go with whatever thoughts and emotions were showing up and learn from them. Immersed in this scary side of life, I found myself stepping into the present moment in a new way, much like stepping into a greater, more alive, physical body. I tapped into some new depth.

In this moment as I write, a photograph of my mother sits on my desk and I have a disturbing three-inch scar on a leg that looks significantly better than it did three days ago. The sun is rising and there’s a gentle breeze blowing through the palms outside the windows. Great egrets, wood storks and a couple of great blue herons are feeding along the perimeter of the pond behind my home.

Today, I fully love life. My inner being has been enriched by my recent experiences. I am more present than ever.

The writing above conveys aspects of the following Advanced Capacities: Heart Presence, Connection, Command of Our Life Force, and Clear Mind.

©2008 by Jeff Krock. All rights reserved.